Sweetly Broken

Ever have those days when there is a stirring within yet you are left without words? A flood of different emotions at times can be overwhelming. Don’t have much to say but this song has been playing in my head today, it’s one of those that just messes with you and causes me to respond.

Sweetly Broken by: Jeremy Riddle

To the cross I look, to the cross I cling
Of it's suffering I do drink
Of it's work I do sing

For on it my Savior both bruised and crushed
Showed that God is love
And God is just

At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,
I’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered

What a priceless gift, undeserved life
Have I been given
Through Christ crucified

You’ve called me out of death
You’ve called me into life
And I was under Your wrath
Now through the cross I’m reconciled

At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,I’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered

In awe of the cross I must confess
How wondrous Your redeeming love and
How great is Your faithfulness

Just thought I would share something that I read this morning:

Don’t think for a moment that Satan is going to slow down when he sees you in the way.

Lord God, Your Word tells me that I must be self-controlled and alert. My enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Please empower me to resist him, standing firm in the faith, because I can know my brothers and sisters throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings (1 Peter 5:8-9). How I praise You that the reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil’s work. No one who is born of God will continue to sin, because God’s seed remains in him; he cannot go on sinning, because he has been born of God (1 John 3:8-9). Please lead me not into temptation but deliver me from the evil one (Matthew 6:13).

The Lord has been encouraging me to put things into perspective lately. It’s not about Erin, bummer I know, it is not about you either. I hate to be the barer of bad news. Even as I sit here writing “Brady’s song,” happens to come on and I am reminded that I have a choice. When I find myself in the desert place, the wilderness, in darkness and in suffering, in times that are plentiful, in abundance, when he gives and when he takes away...do I choose to say blessed be His name?

Viva La Tejas!

There a couple things I am still trying to figure out here. Like, how come they do not have a pledge to the state flag? Do they even have a state song? I know there is a bird, flower, tree and all that but what about the important things. Why is there no “Texas State Fair” in Virginia, it’s just not the same with out Big Tex and his “Howdy Y’all!” Oh wait I forget Virginia is a Commonwealth not a state, what the heck is a commonwealth anyway?

It might be true that this Texas flag was the first thing to be hung in my apartment. You see it’s an arctic winter year round in my apartment so the flag is over the A/C vent to bring me warmth. It is a beautiful sight when I lay my head down at night and when I get up in the mornings. Sometimes I cannot help but burst into song…”Texas Our Texas,” “Deep in the Heart of Texas,” “All My Exes Live in Texas (it’s true),” “Yellow Rose of Texas,” “The Eyes of Texas are Upon You...sounds like,” “Luckenbach, Texas” the list goes on, best of all….Fighting TEXAS AGGIE War Hymn!!!!!

I am enjoying this season they call autumn here in Virginia, in Texas we call it football weather but it last longer than a week or two up here. Speaking of football, I went to a high school homecoming game last weekend and it was kind of sad. The stands were full but it reminded me of my Middle School days at Travis, seriously the stands were about that big. The homecoming court was not dressed in gowns, there was a couple dresses and a tie or two but mostly pants and dress shirts. Not a mum to be seen/heard…those honestly were a waste of money but that is what homecoming is about right? Half-time was not the same with out the Drill Team doing the traditional kick routine; they do not even have drill teams up here. Ashley could come up and teach the cheerleaders a thing or two about jumps, cheering and just being crisp…my sister was a rock star MHS cheerleader and is still a rock star!

We will continue with this Texas v. Virginia theme for just a moment…

This is Erin back home in the Lone Star State let’s say last spring and then again about 3 months ago. Gig Em’ life is good, then excited about the future but wanting to hold on to home (not wanting to say good-bye to family and friends). “Remember the Alamo!”

God of this City, King of these people, Lord of this Nation…

And this is Erin again 3 months ago when a so called friend packed my last box and kicked me out of Texas and after I dropped Mom and Daddy off at the airport. Those were a rough couple of weeks and still have those days at times but life is really not that bad. I just thought it was a funny picture.

You’re the Light in this darkness, You’re the Hope to the hopeless, You’re the Peace to the restless.

Greater things are yet to come; Greater things are still to be done…

In Better Hands

A couple months back my sister sang this song in big church and I recently heard it on the radio. If I had only paid closer attention to the lyrics earlier…

"In Better Hands"

Natalie Grant

(see the playlist at bottom of page to hear the song)

It's hard to stand on shifting sand

It's hard to shine in the shadows of the night

You can't be free if you don't reach for help

You cant love if you don’t love yourself

There is hope when my faith runs out

Cause I'm in better hands now

It's like the sun is shining when the rain is pouring down

It's like my soul is flying though my feet are on the ground

So take this heart of mine there's no doubt

I'm in better hands now

I am strong all because of you

I stand in awe of every mountain that you move

Oh I am changed, yesterday is gone

I am safe from this moment on

There's no fear when the night comes 'round

I'm in better hands now

It's like the sun is shining when the rain is pouring down

It's like my soul is flying though my feet are on the ground

Its like the world is silent though I know it isn’t true

Its like the breath of Jesus is right here in this room

So take this heart of mine there's no doubt

I'm in better hands now

I'm in better hands now

Jesus you are my rock and I strength in your hands. Thank you that when my faith seems to run out I find hope in You!

Something missing?

How precious is this little red head? Last week Brady turned 3 and I am officially the worst aunt in the world. It totally broke my heart to not be there with the rest of the family celebrating. I find it hard to believe how fast the past 3 years have flown. The little monster has grown so fast and it seems like every time I talk to him he is learning/doing something new! What a joy Brady is to us and we look forward to Blake’s arrival!!! As much as I enjoy pictures something just does not seem right about the family picture…something is missing. (And on that note I better stop, my eyes are burning)

A Keeper

I am not one for those forwarded emails but I received this from a friend this morning and well…it is ok. So the “story” is fair but the bottom line is so true.

A Keeper

Their marriage was good, their dreams focused. Their best friends lived barely a wave away. I can see them now, Dad in trousers, work shirt and a hat; and Mom in a house dress, lawn mower in one hand, and dish-towel in the other. It was the time for fixing things: a curtain rod, the kitchen radio, screen door, the oven door, the hem in a dress... Things we keep.

It was a way of life, and sometimes it made me crazy. All that re-fixing, re-heating leftovers, renewing; I wanted just once to be wasteful. Waste meant affluence. Throwing things away meant you knew there'd always be more.

But when my mother died, and I was standing in that clear morning light in the warmth of the hospital room, I was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn't any more.

Sometimes, what we care about most gets all used up and goes away...never to return. So... While we have it, it's best we love it... And care for it... And fix it when it's broken... And heal it when it's sick.

This is true: For marriage... And children with bad report cards. Dogs and cats with bad hips... And aging parents... And grandparents. We keep them because they are worth it. Some things we keep, like a best friend that moved away or a classmate we grew up with.

There are just some things that make life important, like people we know who are special... And so, we keep them close!

In deed there are some people in life who are special and worth keeping close. Over the past 83 days I have come to realize that even with 1400 miles between friends and family…some things make life important!

Integrity

A few months back I had to do a book review on John Maxwell’s book “Developing the Leader Within You,” and for some reason I was looking back over that this morning. Below are a few thoughts from the chapter on integrity.

The most important ingredient of Leadership: INTEGRITY (chapter title)

Defined integrity is simply being complete, my words and my deeds match up. You have probably heard that integrity is who you are when no one is looking... Am I who I am no matter where I am or who I am with? For me I think it is important that my system of values, my faith is so much a part of Erin that it cannot be separated from me. Integrity welds what we say, think and do into a whole person so that permission is never granted for one of those to be out of sync.

Regarding leadership, in order to earn trust as a leader people desire to see authenticity....to be in reality what we appear to be. It makes sense to me that the more followers see and hear their leaders being consistent in action and word, the greater their consistency and loyalty. What they hear, they understand and what they see, they believe! Integrity validates credibility and the more credible you are the more confidence people place in you, allowing you the privilege of influencing their lives.

Integrity builds trust, has high influence value, facilitates high standards, results in solid reputation not just image,

Authority is not the power a leader has over subordinates but rather the leader's ability to influence subordinates to recognize and accept that power. For a leader to have the authority to lead, he needs more than the title on his door, he has to have the trust of those who are following him. Too many people are ready to assert their rights (leadership) but not to assume their responsibilities. What limits people is lack of character, when their character is low so are their standards. It is not about the image of who Erin is but who she really is.

Consistency: Are you the same person no matter who you with?
Choices: Do you make decisions that are best for others when another choice would benefit you?
Credit: Are you quick to recognize others for their efforts and contributions to your success?

We cannot give what we do not have. Image promises much but gives little and integrity never disappoints.

Integrity means living it myself before leading others. I cannot lead anyone further than I am willing to go myself, there are no shortcuts. If the process is right the product is guaranteed. Insincerity cannot be hidden, disguised or covered up, no matter how competent a manager may otherwise be. The only way to keep the goodwill and high esteem of the people you work with is to deserve it. Integrity is not a given, it is a result of self-discipline, inner trust, and a decision to be relentlessly honest in all situations in our lives.

Am I totally availing myself to the teaching I am receiving? Unfortunately we teach what we know and reproduce what we are. What is it that I truly value? Conviction is belief or principle that you regularly model, one for which you would be willing to die...what are my convictions?

ramblings

The word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart (Hebrews 4:12 NIV).

When you read Scripture, it cuts through all the junk in your life. If you’re hurting inside but you’re pretending everything is okay, it cuts through the act. If you’re mad at someone and you’re pretending it doesn’t bother you, it cuts through your fake smile. If you’re feeling lonely even when you’re surrounded by a lot of people, it cuts through the crowd.

Do we change, or do we simply stay the same?

Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like (James 1:23-24 NIV).

Who looks in the mirror notices a problem (misplace hair, something in the nose, eye booger) and does nothing about it? God’s Word reveals things in our lives that need to change. When we study Scripture are we led to be different

Mondays

With anything in life I think we have those good and bad days, some days are more difficult than others and yet some are really good. I look forward to those really good days. Every day is a new day, with each new day it seems like there is something about home I miss more than usual.

Today I am missing my little red headed buddy, Brady!!! Monday was my favorite day of the week because that was my day to spend with the little guy, oh how I cherish those times. I never knew it was possible to love someone that much, I really do feel sorry for my own kids (if I ever have them) because hands down Brady is my favorite. Things I miss about the nephew: going feed the ducks, racing (he always beats me), playing in the tubes, hide and seek, bake (he loves to make a mess), tickling and hearing that adorable laugh, getting coffee (the baristas at Starbucks know his drink), reading, singing Brady’s song (which by the way I can hardly ever sing, hear, etc. anymore without tears), playing cars, watching Nemo, going to the zoo, seeing him at church on Saturday night, sleep overs/camp outs at Lolli and Pops’ house and so much more!!! Yes I Mondays make me miss the toot but I am so thankful for the memory making times we have had up to this point.

Back to School

It is that time of year, as summer vacation draws to a close and it is back to reality we go I think back on my many “first days” of school. Tomorrow many moms and dads will drop off their little ones to Kindergarten for the first time and tears will be shed as they try to come to grips with their babies growing up. For some reason the young ones think school is cool and they love the teacher, those elementary students will have a hard time sleeping tonight as they are excited to be back in those tiny desks. Then there are those strange years of middle school…they are special! That awkward stage of life when preteens are trying to figure things out, some are too cool for school and others are wetting their pants scared to death of the new environment of middle school. And of course those crazy high schoolers…enough said! Everyone knows that high school has very little to do with class and everything to do with socializing!!!

I think back to those first day of school pics in front of the fire place and then out in the front yard, we were always so proud of our new clothes and more importantly the new lunch box!!! I remember riding to school with my big brother on my first day of high school…I thought I was so cool, little did I know. I try to erase the middle school from my memory bank, such an awkward stage of life. Even better those first days of college…those were the best four years of my life!!!

There are a lot of first in the next few days and for some lots of last first…last first day of school, last first game of the season, last first pep rally, etc… Back to school, back to school…prove to dad that I’m no fool

Be Still

Be still (cease striving) and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth. The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our stronghold. Psalm 46:10, 11

Over the past few weeks I have had an unusual amount of down time, way more than what I am accustomed to. Things were so back home had been so busy those last months but especially the last three weeks I was in Texas before I left for Virginia, I had very little free time as there were people to see, trips to make and things to get done. The past three weeks here have almost been polar opposite, I get off work and have nothing, and the weekend comes and goes…nothing. At first all this “free-time” was unnerving but I have grown to appreciate it and I am sure as things pick up and the semester heads into full swing I will miss the “free-time.” Truth be told, I think that sometimes being “busy” is a status statement, as to say that we are important, connected or whatever it is that we want our image to be. What I have found recently is that silence in the stillness is uncomfortable as well, at times. Just as we manage to find things to keep us “busy” we also manage to surround ourselves with noise, to the point that silence is awkward. Even though I have had more free-time than normal I still find myself looking back and asking where the time has gone…lots of wasted time. Not that any of the following is bad but really is it the best use of my time? Facebook? (justified in that this is probably the number one way that students communicate and so I stay connected), stalking Phelps in the Olympics, shopping on-line for good prices on flights home (this is not a waste of time), etc…

Sometimes I am just a slow learner but I think it is sinking in this time. I guess it is true that life experience is the best teacher. Be still…

shower in the stairwell

This morning I had the “privilege” of receiving an object lesson at church. The 8:20 big church service had let out early and so I had gone out to check on one of the small groups. As I was making my way back over to the main campus a friend stopped to let me know she had brought an Americano for me. Bursting with excitement because I had not yet had any coffee we ran back inside and headed down for the special delivery. As we were walking down stairs to the FLC I hear this “splat” and see what at I first I thought was water showering down from above. IF ONLY it were water, the shower was accompanied by a putrid smell and a little girl crying…”mommy, I don’t feel good.” Well, I am thinking, girlfriend you better be feeling better now because you just threw up all over me.

Now you have to understand, I have an incredibly weak stomach so as I realize what has happened I am running to the restroom myself (Mamma, I don’t feel so well…oh wait my mamma is not here). I then try to clean myself up enough to make the trip back to the house to change. The thing about vomit is that the stench stays with you and every time I get a whiff, it makes me want to vomit. Thankfully I made it home to change and back up to the church in no time flat so I did not miss out on anything important.

In the service this morning we participated in Communion and Todd reminded us of the significance and symbolism of the elements that we share at the table. Tonight as I reflect on the day I think about how disgusted I was by the shower in the stairwell, does the sin in my life disgust me in the same way. I am thankful for the Grace that I enjoy through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ on the cross and I want my life to be marked as one that was in pursuit of Him no doubt. One thing that Todd challenged us with as we gathered around the table was for us to take a look at our spiritual lives and ask where I am and what is keeping me from true intimacy with the Lord. Does the stench of the sin in my life keep me from returning time and time again to my flesh and to those things that so easily entangle me? I don’t want to be like that dog who returns to his own vomit.

You Are Not Alone

I search for love
When the night came and it closed in
I was alone
but you found me where I was hiding
and though I'll never ever be the same
It was the sweetest voice that called my name
singing

You're not alone
For I am here
let me wipe away every fear
My love I've never left your side
I have seen you through the darkest night
and I'm the one that's loved you all your life
All of your life

You cry yourself to sleep
cause the hurt is real
and the pain cuts deep
All hope seems lost
With heartache your closest friend
and everyone else long gone

You've had to face the music on your own
but there is a sweeter song that calls you home
**sayin'

You're not alone
For I am here
let me wipe away your every tear
My love I've never left your side
I have seen you through the darkest nights
And I'm the one that's love you all your life
All your life

Faithful and true... Forever
For my love will carry you....

You're not alone
for I... I am here
let me wipe away every fear... Oh yeah
My love I've never left your side
I have seen you through your darkest nights
Your darkest nights
And I'm the one that's loved you all your life
All of your life

things pondered

It’s been a week yet it seems more like months. A week ago today I pulled into Stafford, VA along with my stellar parental units who made the trek with me. What a difference a week can make. This morning I took one of the MABC summer interns to the airport to catch a flight to Houston, TEXAS, big mistake on my part. I should have prepared myself for how depressing it was going to be pulling up to the airport and not getting to catch a plane somewhere…say, home!

One of the many things I have had time to think about this week is how much we take for granted the comfort of wherever we might call home. Just a few things I miss right now: coming home to familiar faces who love you for who you are, a starbucks with friendly baristas who enjoy their job and make the starbucks experience worth the 2.71 I pay for an Americano, friends to share coffee with, parks with trails to run, friends you occasionally pass on the trail, church family or even students coming by the office to just hang out. How about chillaxin with the cutest little red head at the park, zoo, tubes, Lolli’s house, etc…, being home when the world’s greatest sister makes the trip back from Aggieland, small talk with mom and dad, laying your head down in a place/town/state/whatev that feels like home. I miss having to solve the dilemma of being parched, waiters on patios who know your name after one visit, light shows over the water, the comfort of friends who understand the occasional need for a road trip, usually having someone to visit at the final destination of the road trip, avoiding smokers outside, fireplaces, I even miss pretending to pack or maybe just all the distractions that allowed me to put off packing. Who knows maybe by this time next week it will be a different story.

For every season turn, turn, turn…. They jacked that one from Ecclesiastes!

National Cheesecake Day

Is anyone else aware that today is National Cheesecake Day? The Cheesecake Factory was celebrating 30 years with 1978 prices at 1.50/slice as oppose to the regular 6.95/slice. Random I know. Cheesecake used to be one of my favorite things in life, especially tiramisu cheesecake from Cheesecake Factory!!! As of late I have not been one who is big on sweets but none the less for those of you who indulge…happy day!

HOWDY!

A little update on the move:

Mom, Dad and I loaded up and headed out last Wednesday, spent the night in Nashville and then arrived here in Stafford on Thursday. The Gaston's had us all over for dinner Thursday, it was nice to see familiar faces upon the arrival. Friday we just kind of hung out, looked for housing and then took it easy, after two days of driving we were exhausted. Saturday we drove South to Fredericksburg and walked around their little historic (everything around here is historic) downtown area, ate lunch and then continued on to Richmond to drop Dad off at the airport. Really the week had been great up to this point, telling Daddy "good-bye" was torture but it is just part of the deal I guess. Saturday night Mom and I went to Woodbridge and hung out around Potomac Mills we saw Mamma Mia...cute movie! Sunday morning Mom and I went to worship at Mt. Ararat, it was so good to hear Todd Gaston preach (I'm going to enjoy being under his teaching each week). After worship I had to make another trip to Richmond and drop mom off at the airport...another beautiful display of the water works.

Sunday as I was driving back up 95 alone I had some sweet time with the Lord. One of my favorite things is to watch Him display his majesty through lightning and oh my I got to see some great light shows on the road. People in Virginia do not know how to drive especially in the rain, so as we sat in the rain I opened my moon roof and sang at the top of my lungs! I know you can hardly imagine but I had to do something to keep my mind distracted. Last night the students had a Retro Bowling night which was good for me to have a chance to meet and mingle with my new church peeps. After bowling a few of us came back up to the church for a little volleyball action which turned into a soccer game of some sort. All in all it was an eventful few days that left me completely exhausted.

Pack Your Bags

As I am packing for the move the Lord has been speaking to me and teaching/reminding me of many life lessons. I am sure I will share as the days go by but the first was a flash back to Main Thing ’96!

The past couple weeks I have been faux packing and then the last 2 or 3 days I have had to really cover some ground. In the midst of it all I decided it was probably time for me to get rid of some of my junk, (I probably gave away 30 t-shirts last week, already this year I have said good-bye to almost 30 pairs of shoes). As I was going through old t-shirts I came across my collection of “Main Thing” camp shirts, it was my seventh grade year and the theme “Pack Your Bags…Jesus is Coming!!!” If I remember correctly, camp was basically asking students if they were for Christ’s return>

One thing I cannot stand is clutter because it takes us space and serves no purpose. That was when the Lord spoke up, “Erin, what is it that is cluttering your life right now, what just takes up space and has no purpose???” I began to ask the Lord to reveal the clutter in my life and to help me have the strength to surrender it over to God. Bottom line is, you can’t take it with you.

All play, No work

Ever had one of those days??? Me too. Today has been good so far though, of course I’ve only been up for 5 hours but still… At a time when these kinds of mornings are few and far between I am going to run with it, take it in and savor the joy! Originally I had planned to get as much packed as possible today (and that still must happen eventually) but I’m thinking all play and no work sounds better.

Keep things light and surface level and writing is not a big deal, why did I ever stop?

Cry in My Heart

I was running this morning, with my ipod and God began speaking to me through Starfield’s song: "Cry In My Heart"

There's a cry in my heart
For Your glory to fall
For Your presence to fill up my senses
There's a yearning again
A thirst for discipline
A hunger for things that are deeper

Could You take me beyond?
Could You carry me through?
If I open my heart?
Could I go there with You?
(For I've been here before
But I know there's still more
Oh, Lord, I need to know You)

For what do I have
If I don't have You, Jesus?
What in this life
Could mean any more?
You are my rock
You are my glory
You are the lifter
Of my head
Lifter of this head

Here’s the deal I usually don’t run with music, I typically listen to podcast but this morning I didn’t feel like thinking. Anyway, as I listened to the lyrics of this song I began to ask myself, what is the cry of my heart? What is it in life that I thirst for? Father where would I be with out you? This journey called life has its ups and downs but Christ’s love is steadfast. After about the fourth time I listened to the song I stopped at a bench and began praying… God I desire those things that are deeper. Man, I do not want to be caught up in the superficial things of this life. Father fill me up so full with your Spirit that when I encounter others they yearn to know what it is that I have, for what do I have with out you Jesus? The desire of my heart is not to know more about God or His Word rather I want to know God in a more intimate way and to allow the scriptures to penetrate who I am.

Countdown continues and excitement builds

There is this little countdown going on right now as I am 11 days away from packing up my life in Texas and heading to Stafford, Virginia. With the move come mixed emotions, best termed as bittersweet, some days more bitter than sweet. Really I am excited and look forward to what the Lord has in store yet there is deep sadness to be leaving family and friends in the great state of Texas. Therefore, I have debated in my little mind whether or not to post the writings of days past because I read back over my reflections I sound emo…and I’m not!

Did you know that having just completed the second week of July the following holidays were recognized?

Music for Life Week- A good friend of mine says that music is life yet they don’t even know the artist or title of most of their music collection. In honor of Music for Life Week I think we will play a little music trivia next road trip!
National Therapeutic Recreation Week- exercise is good for the heart; soul and mind so get off your lazy bum and enjoy some therapeutic rec.
Take Charge of Change Week- That’s right let change know who is boss…evidently I’m not and change is getting the best of me. No one likes change but I hear it is good at times, I guess we will find out in about 11 days.
National Laughter Week- This is one of my favorites; I celebrate laughter through greeting cards. Just yesterday I was spotted in Hallmark (by a window shopper mind you) bent over in laughter. Then sometimes I have these random flash backs to past experiences that cause me to laugh without ceasing at times…SPLASH!

FYI…Today is Eat Your Jell-O Day (and the birthday of comedian Bill Cosby). To be honest I am not a fan of Jell-O unless it is in a little 1-2 ounce cup with a few special ingredients!

That will do for now. How was that for avoiding depth, substance and reality??? None the less I am not emo.

why am i doing this?

Once upon a time I wrote frequently and would occasionally post those writings on a blog. It has been a while since I last wrote but thought I would possibly begin posting once again… Problem is, there are so many thoughts floating around upstairs but I have no words right now.